'Not my responsibility bro...': Family vacation is derailed by brother's outburst after his sister refuses to dog sit, starting a blame game among the siblings

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jul 24, 2024 9:00 AM EDT

Your family should always come first. Conversely, setting boundaries and declining help when necessary is perfectly reasonable. The story below is an account of a confused sister.

Every year, the original poster (OP) and her family take trips together. OP, however, informed her family that neither she nor her spouse would be able to attend because of her current unemployment.  Things were going well at first, but when her brother insisted that she take care of his five dogs the entire journey, things took a bad turn. At first, OP made an effort to talk to her brother and explain that, given her own obligations, this would not be feasible. However, even though she thought she had sufficiently explained herself and made her point, she later found out that her brother had unexpectedly canceled his vacation and was blaming her for everything.

So be sure to read the story below if you're interested in learning the specifics of what happened as well as how OP responded to her brother's childish behavior! After you're done, don't forget to read the story of the manager who, in an attempt to increase sales, removes the company's social benefits—only for his staff to outsmart him and foil the scheme!

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  • 01
    CA LLED "You're such a child...”
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for making my family cancel their vacation because i wont watch their dogs?
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 03
    My parents (82M, 75F) asked if I would help them book a much needed vacation. They also asked me to do the same for my brother (43) and SIL (33), because they wanted to take a family vacation in September. My husband (46) and I (41F) can't afford to go because i am currently out of a job. Even though this would be the first family vacation I will have ever missed and it made me really sad, I said I would of course help. My mom even mentioned to me that in a way it's good because I'd be able to w
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 04
    Here's the thing about watching the dogs. It's a 24/7 job that requires me to stay at my brother's house. The dogs are wonderful, but very high maintenance. Because of this, I have been telling my brother for nearly 10 years that he needed to hire a dogsitter (money isn't an issue for him). Ive dogsat for them 3 times this past year varying from 1 to 5 nights. They paid me well. But I do not
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 05
    feel comfortable staying at their house and I find the round the clock care exhausting. My husband and I have 5 cats, and we are no stranger to feeling like our pets are our kids, but we don't have dogs for a reason. Now, I'm supposed to be booking this trip for my brother, but he hasn't even asked me about watching the dogs. Sunday at family dinner, everyone is there except my SIL who was ill. My brother was sitting across from
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 06
    me so I reach out to hold his hand and say that I love him, I love the pugs, but I can't watch them when they go on vacation and that he needs to get a dogsitter. I said it was just too much to ask me to be trapped at their house for 7 nights, and that I have been asking him to hire a dogsitter for nearly a decade. I even offer suggestions and said I'll help find someone.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 07
    He starts to get reactive and says that they won't watch my cats anymore. I said that's fine, we have a cat sitter, but I point out that I ask them if they can help. They, on the other hand, didn't ask me. My brother finally concedes that it is a lot to ask 7 nights and 5 dogs. Excuse me? Yes, 5 dogs, because his MIL apparently was planning to go too. So now added to the mix are 2 Italian greyhounds.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 08
    I stay calm and gently point out that I felt this way before knowing there were 5 dogs. Can he imagine how I felt? He seemed to understand. By the time I left dinner, there were hugs and kisses and all was well. I knew my brother was upset, but he seemed to understand and I was really proud of putting up boundaries.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 09
    The next evening, I call my parents to see if they have heard from my brother. Apparently he called them after he got home from family dinner and was "blindsided" by me. My SIL was just as upset as him too. They think I'm throwing a tantrum because I can't go on the vacation. While yes, that s s, I told him my real issue is being trapped at their house for 7 nights. Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs. AITA for telling them i wont do it?
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 10
    Having-hope3594 NTA. They are grown people who had plenty of time to find arrangements for their dogs. Didn't they have somebody else to watch the dogs when you all traveled together? Is this a weird ploy to punish you by making you feel guilty or something? Seems reactive.
    via u/Having-hope3594
  • 11
    Dazzling-P OP The only time we have all traveled together was for my brother's wedding, which the dogs came to. This would be an international beach trip which we haven't had in... I guess over a decade. To be fair he couldn't go on the last trip in 2015 and I went, but I only had one
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 12
    cat that had no special requirements at the time so my roommate watched her. So I feel bad for him not being able to not going on a family vacation, although it feels self-induced to me at this point. But I am very emotional and I can't tell if my judgment is clouded.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 13
    Lego_Panda_Bear Not going is his choice. He could find/pay a dog sitter if he wanted. He is blaming you to divert the blame from himself. You are doing what is best for you.
    via u/Lego_Panda_Bear
  • 14
    ParsimoniousSalad NTA. They can hire a pet-sitter. It's not your household to take responsibility for. EDIT: I also don't understand why they needed your help to book it.
    via u/ParsimoniousSalad
  • 15
    Dazzling-P OP Oops I took that part out because I was way over the character limit. I can book like a travel agent and waive my commission so they can save a few hundred. I realize how awful that sounds in context of this post, but it's easy for me to do and as someone that loves to do things for others but currently doesn't have the budget for it, it's something I'm happy to do.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 16
    Heeler Haven So they get a discount by not paying you for your services, AND expect you to watch 5 dogs 24/7 and live apart from your spouse to do so? How much do they usually pay you for the normal 3? Because I bet it's not nearly as generous as they tell you it is.
    via u/Heeler_Haven
  • 17
    VeronicaSawyer8 Now they are canceling the vacation bc I wont watch the dogs. good. If they can't afford a pet sitter then they can't afford the vacay. This is not your problem. NTA
    via u/VeronicaSawyer8
  • 18
    Dazzling-P OP To be clear they can afford to pay a professional, but they prefer to pay me because they trust me completely with the dogs and the house. I understand their anxiety as a pet owner myself, but I was not expecting to feel like the villain for this, which is why I thought maybe I was in the wrong somehow.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 19
    Own_Lack_4526 So if I understand you - first, they ask your help in planning a vacation knowing that you can't go along. Then, your mom voluntells you that you're watching your brother's dogs. Your brother - who hasn't even asked you yet - is blindsided that you won't watch the dogs for them - without
    via u/Own_Lack_4526
  • 20
    even letting you know that there would be two additional dogs involved? Blindsided is you telling them this the day before they leave on vacation. You're telling them two months in advance AND offering to help them locate a dogsitter. Absolutely NTA.
    via u/Own_Lack_4526
  • 21
    six006 NTA, and I'm sorry that your family has been taking advantage of you so much this far. If it's not too big a deal for you to watch their five (5!) dogs for a week, then it's not too big a deal for them to pay someone else to do it - plain and simple.
    via u/six006
  • 22
    Even if they thought you were throwing a tantrum, they didn't need to cancel their vacation over it, and it's not your problem if they do they can do whatever they would have done if you had planned to attend this vacation with the family in the first place. The fact that their first action was to pin this on you instead of finding another solution (that might not even exist
    via u/six006
  • 23
    or might cost way more than they would pay you, because honestly, 5 dogs!?) speaks volumes about how much labor you're actually putting in, and how little they value you.
    via u/six006
  • 24
    Dazzling-P OP You kinda hit the nail on the head about how I feel - like they don't truly value my time and feelings. We have a close family and generally we do anything for each other. I have taken care of 4 of the dogs for 5 nights once and while it was taxing, I was happy to do it because it
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 25
    was so they could take a trip with my SIL's family before he dad passed away from cancer. I love the dogs. They have a lovely home and it's literally a mile away from me. But they cannot be unsupervised for more than an hour at a time, so I really can't leave. They don't realize how hard that is on me, and I feel like this time it's an acceptable moment to set a boundary.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 26
    ParagonOfAdequacy 1. You didn't make anyone cancel anything. 2. Incredibly, maybe deliberately, inconsiderate of your family to expect you to act as their unpaid travel agent.
    via u/DParagonOfAdequacy
  • 27
    3. Seven Five dogs? That's not dog- sitting; that's running a kennel. 4. I assume that they'd save a ton of money by guilting you into caring for the dogs, and they don't want to, or can't afford to, pay what it's really worth. 5. Enjoy their self-inflicted tears. ΝΤΑ
    via u/ParagonOfAdequacy
  • 28
    Dazzling-P OP 1. Thank you for the validation 2. I actually am genuinely happy to do the booking because I technically am a TA but I only book friends and family and give them a discount instead of taking commission. It's an easy thing I can do, but I ran out of characters to explain.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 29
    3. 5 dogs, but I still get your point 4. I think they are super terrified about leaving the dogs with a stranger... which I get. But also, I offered to help them so I don't understand the anger, ya know? I've been there with my cats.
    via u/Dazzling-P
  • 30
    JustmyOpinion444 The problem is that, whatever your brother planned to pay, having someone at his house 24 hours a day, for 7 days is going to be well more than that. At US minimum wage, that is just over $1,200 dollars. I mean, if he was going to pay you that, or a bit more, it might BEGIN to be fair.
    via u/JustmyOpinion444

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family drama pet ownership dogs entitled parents entitlement sibling rivalry siblings relationship-drama family feud entitled Reddit money summer vacation entitled people vacation
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